The Fault In Our Stars: Kim Kardashian Didn’t #BreaktheInternet…but We’re Breaking Ourselves

Matt TaylorMost of the time I love social media – it’s pretty awesome. But sometimes it is responsible for the mass-sharing of such total drivel that it can even cause Paris Hilton to switch off her phone. Last week we were privy to one such example, when the reality star tweeted some naked pics for Paper Magazine and Twitter forced us, once again, into an online conversation of pointless posterior ponderings. Along the same timeline, the Rosetta mission reached its long awaited moment of glory… and this raised a few questions. Which was bigger? Kim’s ass or a 2KM wide load of ice and rock?

Well many articles have since happily reported that according to Twitter, the internet was, thankfully, in favour of Rosetta – which saw a total of 480,000 tweets in the first 12 hours in comparison to Kardashians 307,000. Many of those articles also reported a ‘much higher sentiment score’ as if a) any automated sentiment scores are anything but a pile of tripe* or b) somehow a story being more ‘positive’ in sentiment makes it more important or more likely to engage more people.

The reality when we look at search in Ireland though is something very different. In fact, according to Google Trends, Kim’s butt was exactly 84 percentage points bigger than the comet landing and eclipsed Rosetta by pretty much 100% when it came to image searches. Screen Shot 2014-11-17 at 15.27.49

None of this particularly disappointed me or took me by surprise but what did disappoint was watching the astrophysicist at the centre of it all, Dr. Matt Taylor break down in a teary apology for having an image of a sexily dressed blonde female character on his shirt. Because apparently an innocent individual (who had the naivety to believe he could present his ‘actual self’ and a real personality to the world, rather than hide behind some corporate suit) wearing a quirky shirt is is now the internet equivalent to ringing a dinner bell for fem-trolls. An unholy #shirtstorm raged. On what should have been the happiest day of his career, Dr. Taylor was bullied, threatened and insulted for his choice of clothing… all in the name of ‘feminism’matt-taylor-shirt

“When a wise man points at the moon the imbecile examines the finger.” – Confucius

This wasn’t a ‘celeb’, this wasn’t someone used to being on TV, used to the limelight, or – hell – ever even seeking it, at all. This was a normal human being who chose to wear a bowling shirt that was a gift from a good (female) mate of his. And it wasn’t just a tornado of individuals but highly orchestrated attacked by ‘feminist’ groups and ‘politically correct’ members of the media and their organisation.

But I want to explain something else to the world of bitchy trigger-happy-twitterers… My Dad’s an astrophysicist and they’re all the same. No, not sexist pigs but somewhat socially awkward individuals who can think up an equation to prove the existence of gods but can’t remember how to spell their daughter’s name, or to take dinner out of the oven, or who the f*ck Kim Kardashian is.  As such, I felt something akin to physical pain upon reading his sister’s description of Dr. Taylor. She sited his inability to make ‘small decisions’ too – and it seems, from my experience of them, an entirely true observation, meant well.  But I actually found this a bit insulting as well, because of the way it has been interpreted by media such as the DailyMail. They seem to think this characteristic warrants an ‘excuse’ for what I presume they otherwise think is questionable, even unforgivable behaviour.

The poor man didn’t need an ‘excuse’ at all.

A family man (and I admit I use that word cause apparently successful procreation also ‘means something positive’ about an individual, for some unknown reason), who is probably the coolest dude in astrophysics (I’ve gone to enough astronomy conventions to know most of them look like Einstein), a man with space tattoos, with passion and personality shouldn’t have had to have one of the happiest moments in his life destroyed by idiots under the name of feminism.

Women were definitely a victim here.

But not because of some cool t-shirt, but because the word ‘feminism’ has been dirtied that little bit more. Something that seems to be a regular occurrence these days. I’m sure many feminists, such as myself, are beginning to feel more and more uncomfortable with the word and the title ‘feminist’ because of it. I’m sure, many of them are feeling  every time they post something or say something in the name of feminism, that they have to ‘check themselves’. And that feels oppressive. Yes, thank you fem trolls – you’ve successfully managed to make give equal footing for women in the one area of digital we didn’t need to go, cyber bulling and hate speech.

Screen Shot 2014-11-17 at 17.32.54Meanwhile Kardashian’s completely naked butt and er, ‘front bum’ orbits the Twittersphere with barely a murmur from the same team. This is baring in mind the Twitter itself specifically bans any nudity. I guess it’s a different set of rules for the big names vs. the little guy – much like how can’t advertise on Facebook but Durex can.

Let me be clear, I couldn’t care less if Kim Kardashian wants to share naked pics online – that’s her choice (unlike say, Jennifer Lawrence) and, quite frankly a rather boring and unimaginative one in my small opinion… but you’d imagine these same trolling eejits would have a problem with it.

So apparently we live in a world forcing women to wear a bra is sexist but a woman who actually chooses not to wear one is pro-sexism. slut_walk___nyc_8_by_radio_schizo-d4blhgm

I guess the angry trolls would ideally like for us to all have the ‘choice’ to go topless and protest on #slutwalk but certainly never to actually want to dress any way other than a Catholic nun. The same world wear women are portrayed as cringingly marching to ‘here come the girls’ and prance around in M&S underwear on TV and having orgasms over diet yogurts also is one where no woman could ever actually hint that they desire to be considered (amongst other things such as smart, professional, funny, cool) sexy.

Because the scary thing is that the end of the day, the ‘feminist’ trolls and the sexist womanisers all fight for the same thing – a one dimensional concept of a women. A world where your identity is confined to one description, one aspect – bimbo temptress or sexless shoulder-padded businesswoman… creative alternative whizz-popping astrophysicist or total asshole.

Well Monty Python song goes, let’s pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space… ’cause there’s bugger all down here on Earth.



* if you want to know why automated sentiment is a total pile of tripe, you’re welcome to ask me but be sure to bring along a bottle of Whiskey and prepare for a rant.


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